Getting Stoned
Posted March 16, 2008, 8:28 PM ET

Dear God,

....Help me.

The past few days, I have experienced multiple trips to the hospital. Anybody that has spent any time with me knows that there are two places that I don't frequent unless I'm in dire need, and those are trips to the dentist or the hospital.

While the ACC Tournament was taking place in the Queen City and everybody was filling out their March Madness brackets, I was laying flat on my back with needles, IVs and a morphine-drip flowing through my veins. The only thing worse than having a kidney stone is having two kidney stones. It was just my luck.

So, while I'm posting my latest Ripe Gripe, I'm still waiting to pass my first kidney stone. Every doctor at Carolinas Medical Center mentioned that this is the male equivalent of childbirth. Well, I wasn't under the impression that women spend 5 straight days in labor...hey, ladies - it's five days and counting, according to my count. I've also given up count on how many liters of cranberry juice I have consumed over a 72-hour period, and if I have to keep this stupid strainer with me every time I go to the bathroom, I'm going to go insane.

I do want to give a special "thanks" to all the medical staff at Carolinas Medical Center...they were great, even though they are probably getting tired of seeing me hooked up and hogging the A-list drugs in their Emergency Room.

So, while I'm high as a kite, how about some comments on the Final Four and other news.....

Everybody I'm sure has filled out an NCAA Tournament bracket or two. I normally take less than two minutes in filling mine out and leave it at that....people spend way too much time on this stuff.

So, here is a thumbnail, condensed version of my brackets. Without wasting my time and yours with each game, I'll give you my Final Four picks and why:

East

The Tar Heels are the #1 seed, and they earned it. The ACC Champs come into the tourney on a roll and they are getting healthy at the right time. Plus, the fact that UNC plays in Raleigh and then Charlotte in the Eastern Regional Finals; I think Roy's boys are the logical choice. Keep in mind that the Heels are 21-1 in the state of North Carolina in NCAA Tournament play.

The East is nasty, and the potential match-up in the bottom half between Louisville and Tennessee could be spectacular, too. My Eastern sleeper is Butler, but my pick in the East is North Carolina.

Midwest

The Jayhawks are the #1 seed in the Midwest, thanks to the Big XII conference title over Texas. The bracket is highlighted by the Big East regular season champ, Georgetown, and the Big Ten champion, Wisconsin.

I love the way Kansas plays. But the biggest question surrounds their coach, Bill Self. I have the same feeling towards the Kansas coach as I did about LSU's football coach, Les Miles. Great recruiter, wins a bunch, but never seems to be the guy to win it all. Well, Miles and the Bayou Bengals won it all in football....so, will the Jayhawks and Bill Self pull it off in college hoops?

My Midwestern surprise is Davidson to win at least one game, and I also like Kansas and coach Bill Self to make it to San Antonio.

West

UCLA is the #1 seed. Personally, I find the West bracket to be the weakest of the four. You mean to tell me that Duke is a #2 seed? I don't think Duke is the second-best team in their own league, right now. The Blue Devils are nosediving, having lost four of their last nine.

The #3 seed is Xavier and #4 seed is UConn....Yawn.

For the record: I hate this regional...it looks like a Pauley Pavilion lay-up drill. Give me UCLA to make their third straight Final Four.

South

I know; I hate picking "chalk", too. So far, I have chosen three #1 seeds to advance....but I'm not picking Memphis. No disrespect to John Calipari; he's a great coach with a team that has only one loss, but I don't trust his team when they have to match up against quality teams. They don't get challenged in the athletically-challenged CUSA....they will get tested in the next two weeks.

So if it's not Memphis, who emerges in the South?

Call me crazy, but I think the South Regional will come down to a Texas - Pitt showdown. I've been impressed with Rick Barnes' team all year, and they have the solid backcourt to get over the hump - not to mention the regional final being played in their home state. Pitt is mentally and physically tough....this is a difficult call, but let's go with the "home team", Texas.

So there you have it....my 2008 Final Four teams:

North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA and Texas.

If I'm wrong, I'll blame it on the extra dose of oxycodone. If I'm right....I'll credit the extra dose of oxycodone. I just hope the damn stone(s) pass before we get to San Antonio.