MMA is MIA
Posted June 1, 2008, 11:15 AM ET

Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) has finally hit the big-time.

CBS, the "Tiffany Network", decided to give the sport its long overdue primetime shot by televising the proceedings in front of a national television audience. What did CBS have to lose? Their ratings normally suck and what could be possibly worse than watching another Saturday night rerun of "Murder, She Wrote"?

I'm sure the TV ratings for the MMA event will be a marked improvement for the network. Let's be honest: how could you lose in the ratings department, when you're going up against the NHL's Stanley Cup showdown between Pittsburgh and Detroit? We will get the overnight ratings early in the week.

The sport has a cult following and the ratings on Spike TV and the draws in Vegas prove that people are watching and buying the tickets. I'm convinced that many of these people are frustrated boxing fans that have grown tired of the lame fight game, and MMA have provided an outlet for fight enthusiasts.

I will be the first one to admit that I have tried to get hooked on the sport. Every time I get committed to watch, I find myself disappointed. The last time I fell for the bait was when Rampage Jackson destroyed Chuck Liddell in a much-anticipated rematch. Liddell had been hyped by the media as the man to watch in the sport, and the fight ended abruptly...and so did my interest.

I enjoy boxing and I appreciate the art. I want to like the MMA extravaganzas...like the one on CBS, this past Saturday night. I planned to watch the proceedings...as I have stated earlier this year on the radio show, "just entertain me".

The big draw on Saturday night was internet sensation Kimbo Slice. The 6'2" brute that graces the cover of ESPN the Magazine was the main attraction. He was fighting some guy by the name of James "The Colossus" Thompson. When I saw "The Colossus" introduced to the live crowd and national television audience, I immediately took notice of his dangling left ear. I'm assuming it was still attached by super glue. The guy isn't the "Colossus"; he should be the "Cauliflower Kid". It was nasty...and that was before Kimbo tried to slice it off his bald head.

The fight was eventually stopped early in the third round after Kimbo exploded Cauliflower's ear. The fight and the entire evening of MMA left me feeling like I normally do when I watch the sport. Disappointed. I'm trying to like it, but the fights left me looking for the remote, just in case I was missing something else on one of the 700 channels on the tube.

The fight before Kimbo's big debut was between Robbie Lawler and some guy by the name of Scott Smith. Lawler was the champ and Smith was the self-proclaimed "Hands of Steel"...how original. I guess when your name is Scott Smith, any catch phrase or nickname would be more exciting.

The fight had some great exchanges before it was called because the "Hands of Steel" unfortunately wasn't wearing any Raybans before being poked in the eye. End of fight. It was truly a pathetic conclusion. To save face, some blowhard announced that both fighters would receive their full-share payments for fighting...who cares?

The best fight of the night involved a couple of babes...Gina Carano and Kaitlin Young. Even though it didn't last long, it was good to see somebody land a blow and keep punching. Perhaps Carano could meet Danica Patrick in a dark alley? Carano laid out Young and in the process gave her a couple of black eyes.

My favorite fight of the night was Joe Villasenor against the "New York Bad Ass", Phil Baroni. Anybody that calls themselves the "New York Bad Ass" has to be entertaining, right? It certainly appeared that way when I watched Baroni take 10 minutes to enter the ring surrounded by some skanks that were hired from the nearest strip club.

As Baroni posed, flexed and danced down the runway I couldn't help but get a laugh out of the performance. It was highlighted by him taking off his shades while the strippers tried to yank his t-shirt off.....classic Grade-B entertainment. I could only imagine Vince McMahon rolling on the floor laughing his ass off.

By the time Baroni stopped his vaudeville act, he entered the ring only to get the crap kicked out of him within 60 seconds. It was spectacular...I haven't laughed so hard all weekend. It took more time for him to get out of his pre-fight garb than it did for the New York Bad Ass to get knocked out. Plus how could any guy with a .500 record call himself the New York Bad Ass? Of course, the Yankees are .500, and their fans still think they are bad asses, so I guess it's acceptable.

After spending the night being dedicated to the MMA on CBS, I had one closing thought....boxing must truly suck, to be overtaken by this stuff. I know there will be cult followers of the sport that will claim the fights were epic and classics...but let's be honest, the MMA is winning by default.

The next time I go to Harris Teeter and I'm walking through the vegetable department, I will be reminded of James Thompson. In the MMA, "Cauliflower" is never out of season.