Fashion Statement
Posted October 22, 2006, 4:57 PM ET

For the record: I am not a clothes-hound, nor am I a guy who concerns himself with the world of fashion. I usually go to work in a comfortable pair of jeans, a "Southern Fried Football"™ t-shirt and hat. So, when I talk about "sports fashion", consider the source.

But since Nike decided to create a new look for their in-state brethren, the Oregon Ducks, nobody in sports could compete for the worst on-field garb in the business.

Move over, Ducks...unfortunately, you finally have some competition. I thought my television was on the blink this weekend. As it turns out, my set is fine...but I can't say the same for some of the teams that have simply lost their minds and - evidently - all of their senses.

The theme for this blog entry started on Thursday night, when North Carolina was traveling to Charlottesville to play the Virginia Cavaliers. As I was driving home, I was listening to the Tar Heel Radio Network and I heard during the pre-game show that someone in the booth claimed that the Wahoos looked like a high school team with their all-blue uniforms. That might be true, but the Cavs got the last laugh - since it is UNC that plays like a high school team.

The repelling combinations of uniforms were just beginning to appear on the sports horizon. Let me fast-forward the clock to Saturday's college football landscape. A couple of schools decided to take matters into their own hands, and boy, was it an unattractive sight.

One of the great-looking uniforms in college football can be found in Tallahassee. The Noles always look sharp...that is, until this past weekend. Florida State decided to do a noble thing in celebrating the Seminole Nation by wearing all black uniforms. Big mistake.

The all-black motif was fitting, because the Noles' football program is headed to a burial; a funeral....their own. FSU is 4-3 for the first time since 1978, and that's compliments of another ACC home loss - this time, to upstart Boston College. But the black uniforms were hideous, and to make matters worse, the word "CONQUERER" was printed down the pants....you can read the Orlando Sentinel's Mike Bianchi's opinion about it on "50 Words or Less". If you're going to wear that crap, you ought to play better than what the Noles are displaying.

I also saw Maryland's all-red combo. Brutal, but what do you expect from Maryland? Ralph Friedgen is one of the few people on the planet who still look awful when they're wearing Armani...what do you think he looks like wearing the 100% polyester from Under Armour?

I thought the tint and brightness gauges on my television set survived the afternoon of college football fashion faux pas, but I was in for quite a shock for my prime-time viewing.

Welcome to Death Valley.

My alma mater took it to a whole new level on Saturday night. The Clemson Tigers (who have been known to push the envelope with their all-orange uniforms, and even the purple/orange combo) decided to do something that folks haven't seen since 1939. You guessed it....all-purple.

If you didn't know any better, you would have thought that Barney the Dinosaur had invaded the upstate of South Carolina. I was totally speechless.

The Tigers then proceeded to put together one of their best performances in recent memory, by destroying the 13th-ranked Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, 31-7. Maybe there is something to those purple uniforms?

I was hoping to get over all this fashion nonsense as we entered into the NFL games....boy, was I wrong. As I prepared to kick back and watch the Carolina Panthers take on the Cincinnati Bengals, it appeared again right there on the tv screen.

The Cincinnati Bengals are undefeated when they wear orange jerseys......Oh, Lord!

You guessed it; the Bengals scored late and then intercepted Jake Delhomme's pass in the end zone with 3 minutes left to preserve a 17-14 lead and went on to win the game. Of course, it was obvious to all that could watch that the Bengals are now 5-0 in orange jerseys.

Thank goodness, I could turn the channel and get back to some normal viewing habits that don't over-stimulate the senses....so, I watched NASCAR.

I think I'm going color-blind.